funny signs, funny quotes, and graffiti
Sign on a
desk: INCONTINENCE HOTLINE - CAN YOU HOLD PLEASE.
(Thanks BC)
We aim to
please, you aim too please. (Sign above a urinal.)
Antidisestablishmentarianism
- easier done than said.
There are
10 types of people in this world - those who understand binary, and those who
don't.
There are
three sorts of people in the world, those who can count and those who can't.
Man who stands on toilet, is high on pot.
Five out
of four people can't do fractions.
I am
neither for nor against apathy. (On the wall above a urinal in a men's WC at a
university at the height of US social unrest in the 1960's.)
Beware of
a man with a gleam in his eyes - it may just be the sun shining through the
hole in his head. (Women's washroom graffiti.)
The best
way to a man's heart is to saw his breastplate open.
(Graffiti in a women's washroom.)
To do is
to be - Descartes, To be is to do - Voltaire, Do be do
be do - Sinatra.
"God
is dead" - Nietzsche. "Nietzsche is dead" - God.
Express
Lane: Five beers or less. (Sign above a urinal.)
You're
too good for him. (Sign above a women's washroom mirror.)
No wonder
you always go home alone. (Sign above a men's washroom mirror.)
A woman's
rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with
it. (Sign in a women's washroom.)
Beauty is
only a light switch away.
At the
feast of ego everyone leaves hungry.
If voting
could really change things it would be illegal.
Temporary
notice on a public bar - "Our public bar is presently not open because it
is closed."
Sign
outside a pub: "Liquor in the front - Poker round the back."
And the
old favorite found in Gents toilets the world over, commonly added to any sign
instructing visitors: Please do not throw cigarettes in the urinal... "...
Because it makes them difficult to light..."
Dead
People's Things For Sale. (Sign outside an antiques shop)
Unattended
Children will be given an Expresso and a Free Puppy (Sign in a gift shop window)
On a Septic Tank Truck sign: "We're #1 in
the #2 business."
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office: "Dr.
Jones, at your cervix."
At a Proctologist's door: "To expedite your
visit please back in."
On a Plumbers truck: "We repair what your
husband fixed."
On a Plumbers truck: "Don't sleep with a
drip. Call your plumber."
Pizza Shop Slogan: "7 days without pizza
makes one weak."
At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to
your next blowout."
On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door: "Hello.
Can we pick your nose?"
At a Towing company: "We don't charge an
arm and a leg. We want tows."
On an Electrician's truck: "Let us remove
your shorts."
In a Nonsmoking Area: "If we see smoke, we
will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."
On a Maternity Room door: "Push. Push.
Push."
At an Optometrist's office: "If you don't
see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
On a Taxidermist's window: "We really know
our stuff."
In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all
heels."
On a Fence: "Salesmen welcome! Dog food is
expensive."
At a Car Dealership: "The best way to get
back on your feet - miss a car payment."
Outside a Muffler Shop: "No appointment
necessary. We hear you coming."
In a Veterinarian's
waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes.
Sit! Stay!"
At the Electric Company: "We would be
delighted if you send in your payment. However, if you don't, you will
be."
In a Restaurant window: "Don't stand there
and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.
In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive
carefully. We'll wait."
At a Propane Filling Station: "Tank heaven
for little grills."
At a Radiator Shop: "Best place in town to
take a leak.